Grief

Grief is tiring.

The heaviness in my heart crushes me. I'm stagnant, still, unable to move without enormous effort. Gravity pulls on my extremities, dragging my limbs downward as though ball bearings have been slipped under the skin of my fingers and toes. My blood is sludge, it stops and starts through the body. Not fluid; almost solid.



My mind has stalled. I watch as a visitor as I make my way through the day. There, but not really. I dress, look, act normal. Others see me; sense something is wrong, stay away. I am an outsider. I am transparent. If I pull inside myself farther, longer, I may disappear.




I grieve. For what I don't know: my sweet cat, my sister far away, my sister gone these two years. Or for the unknown future and the possibility of losing someone else I love.



Today...I grieve.



Tomorrow...I hope to live.

WORLD CUP

The World Cup began last week and it's been amazing. Yesterday was the first USA game. They played against England, (also a favorite team of mine.) I was sooo excited to watch and had no one to share my excitement with. My sweetheart was at work, my kids sleeping, and my family not answering my phone calls, (maybe they knew why I was calling and were in hiding!) This was definitely a moment where I sorely missed my little bro Kevie! Minutes before the game started, Diego woke up from the dead to watch with me. At last, someone with some understanding of the enormity of the situation at hand.

We played amazingly! Our Keeper, Tim Howard (his picture is above), was so fun to watch. At one point he was kicked in the ribs, (most likely severely brusing or breaking them,) and did he leave, no he did not, he stayed and stopped almost everything that came his way. England is by far the better team, but once again the US showed that guts can sometimes result in a VICTORY....ok, so actually we tied. But in my book, that is a victory!